Fifty Shades of Ginger

No, this is not that kind of post.  Not really.

A couple summers ago, when the whole Fifty Shades of Grey thing was going bat crap crazy and consuming the public sphere, even I indulged and read the books.

The writing was astonishingly sub par, the character development was lame, and some of the naughty bits were so over the top as to be laughable.  It kind of sets up the young generation who are just starting out for some seriously disappointing encounters.  This series implied that if Christian Grey so much as accidentally grazed his girlfriend's elbow while running past her on the way to loo with rampant dysentery, she would climax at heights previously untold on the human scale of woo-hoo-ness.

It ain't necessarily so.

Still - after reading the series, I think I get it.  I think I've sorted out why it was so terribly popular with adult women.

And by my reckoning,  the reason is not something a lot of women are going to be comfortable admitting.

I think... in the last hundred years, women have filled new roles, walked many miles in shoes historically foreign to their gender, and endured a myriad of changes at neck-snapping speed.  I don't want to get all political about gender roles and all this, but the fact of the matter is that for a long time, men and only men wore the pants in the family.  Drak hunt for food.  Mrs Drak make babies, tend cave.   Lather, rinse, repeat.

And now - Mrs Drak is very often in the position of making babies, tending cave, hunting for food, balancing the ledger, acting as I.T. admin, coordinating carpool and after care, policing the homework assignments and mowing the lawn, whether or not there is a Mr Drak in the picture.  If she is very lucky, Mr Drak and she split the duties more or less evenly and to their mutual satisfaction.

But it's not a given.

And it's exhausting.

I'm no man-hater, and I'm not assigning blame to any person, political party, religion or gender.  It is what it is; society has shifted dramatically away from its original hierarchy and we're still, as a people, adjusting to that.

And I think?  Personally?  Women like reading about a guy who has a job, a housekeeper, knows what he wants, is direct, doesn't play those kinds of head games and is comfortable taking charge of things.

(Disclaimer:  Not all women like the idea of this.  And there are degrees.  A man who goes after what he wants and takes the liberty of ordering a drink for you is different from a guy who has a red room, or, most of all, delights in having their woman's gratification withheld. I will not be held responsible for what happens to any fool who tries bringing his or her woman to the brink of satisfaction and then withdraws it indefinitely. It's not a good idea.  And none of it is a good idea if your woman isn't on board, so you might want to check that out before you try any of it and wind up needing an orthopedic surgeon to extract a shoe from your ass.)

To find a man who respects your views and opinions and will honor your wants and needs, while also being comfortable taking charge across all modalities, is a treasure.  It is so nice - SO NICE! - to not have to take the lead or make the decision all the time.

And I think these books tap into that dynamic.  Ms Steele never has to worry about what to wear or whether she should go lighter or darker or what she wants to make for dinner or what he will think of her if she does/says/wears this, that, the other.  She knows exactly what he wants because he's completely direct about it.  She is receptive and he is direct and it works.

Mind you, it's fiction.

And as I said, not all women are the same.  I personally much prefer it when a man is take-charge - but open to the veto.

Drak:  "I'm ordering Ethiopian takeaway for dinner."  
Mrs Drak:  "But darling, Ethiopian food makes me want to vomit."
Drak:   "....RIGHT.  I'm ordering Indian takeaway for dinner."

See?  No apology.  No softening.  No question.  No lobbing the ball into her court.  Just a respect for where she's at and what works for her and taking the situation in hand and getting shit done.

Drak:
Mrs Drak:
Drak: (Thinking)  I want to kiss her earlobe...but she really hates that.  I will kiss her behind the knee instead.

No apology.  No softening.  No question. No lobbing the ball into her court.  Just a  respect for where she's at and what works for her and taking the situation i hand and getting shit done.

 I don't think I'm alone in this, either.  A lot of women are sick. To. Death.  Of that Goddamn ball being in their court all the time.  The pendulum has swung too hard the other way, and instead of keeping them from ever having the ball, the ball seems to be magnetically charged to them and keeps rolling back to their feet.  Many of us are sick. Of. That. Ball.

No pun intended.

But now we're trapped; society guilts women for making choices at all.  Having children? How very dare you!  Not having children?  What is wrong with you?  Working mom?  Oh, those poor children.  Stay at home mom?  SLACKER.  Single mom?  Slut!  Married mom? Bo-ring!   It's got to the point where there are just so many choices to be made every day about every blessed thing at every single turn, that eventually you find yourself at a Can't Win Crossroads.

And how lovely - how much of a relief  - it is when your Drak comes in with all his caveman tendencies raring to go and takes charge of the situation.  (Assuming he's competent. A lot of people are not too far evolved from actual cavemen, which is another problem and indeed, another blog post, entirely.)

When it works though - when a competent Drak who is in touch with what his Mrs Drak needs and wants and respects where she's at and is comfortable taking the lead - oh my.

Fifty shades of Ginger indeed.