F*ck, Chuck or Marry

I don't know where to start.

Apparently, this is a thing.  You're issued a list of three celebs and asked among the three, whom you would f*ck, chuck or marry.

Now, I'm kind of down with these interweb games, mostly because you can't gain weight while you're typing and if you're trying to decide who to f*ck, chuck or marry, you aren't spending money, and it passes the time.  However.

There appears to be something the matter with me, because I'm not feeling any of the people on these lists.

To wit:

Channing Tatum, Ryan Gosling, Zac Efron:  Who do you f*ck, chuck, marry?

Ditto Katy Perry, Rhianna, Beyonce.

And One Direction's Zayn, Niall, Harry.

Also, Emma Watson, Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone.

Then there's Idris Elba, Benedict Cumberbatch and Daniel Craig

...and the ubiquitous Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney.

They've included Anderson Cooper, George Clooney and Jon Stewart

And Kerry Washington, Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Lopez

And Justin Timberlake, Pharrell Williams, and Usher.

Plus Ellen, Tina Fey and Mindy Kaling.

So basically you have to make a choice with each set of three.  Every name on that list gets f*cked, chucked or married.  In theory.  Or in Paris. For the third time.  Whatever.


Now.  Let me say this about that:  Ew.

First, I just don't bat for the ladies team.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  It's just not me.  I'm a shameless hetero.  Loud & proud, openly straight, out of the closet.  Unless I'm digging for the right shoes or something.   So that's all the ladies excluded.  Sorry.

Second:  Who the hell is named Usher?  It's ridiculous.  That's him chucked.  Pharrell doesn't do it for me either, nor does Justin, but I do like one or two of his songs and he is admittedly hilarious on SNL sometimes, so if there was an option to have lunch with one of them, I'd lunch with Justin.  And no, that is not a creative euphemism for something else.

Third:  Ryan Gosling, Zac Efron, Channing Tatum.  Who?

Fourth:  One Direction?  Aren't they children?  They look like children.  No.

Fifth: Anderson Cooper (gay), Jon Stewart (obnoxious) and George Clooney (perfect).  George is the Heidi Klum of the men's team.  He's...perfect.  He's got that smile, those  soulful eyes with depths you could get lost in and hello, that voice.   But ... yanno... it's really Danny Ocean who I love.  Not the guy from Monuments Men or the fool from O Brother Where Art Thou.  Also, he's slightly too pretty.  I suspect he has some high maintenance tendencies and he keeps ditching these supermodel types, so really, what am I, a curvy Ginger, going to get out of this relationship?  BUPKES, that's what.    Also, I have The Man, and he's practically perfect in every way and I don't really want to f*ck, chuck, or marry anyone besides him in the first place.  But I'm a good sport and I'm going to finish this damn game , sort of.

Sixth:  Idris Elba, Benedict Cumberbatch, Daniel Craig.

Who in THE HELL is Idris Elba?  And who the f*ck names their kid Benedict Cumberbatch?  I swear, I thought that was a joke name.  Because nobody, NOBODY, would do that to an actual person.  And I don't think he's very nice to look at.  Daniel Craig on the other hand is gorgeous, with the added benefit of having that delicious accent, but I have to limit my thoughts on that matter because after a few seconds he starts to resemble my stepson, and while that boy is gorgeous too, and I love him dearly, we are not that kind of family.  So Daniel Craig is out as well.


Erego, I must chuck the lot.  They're all yours, kids, yours for the taking.  I think I'm getting too old for this kind of thing.  I can't decide if I'm relieved or horrified.

I'll think about it while I nestle into the crook of The Man's arm and sleep the sleep of the truly blissed out and contented and let you know.